fake an orgasm Katz's Delicatessen style, implying he made so little effort that no one ever felt obliged to spare his feelings or give him some credit for the attempt.
Perhaps, like most men of his generation, Kyle's sex education has come mainly through internet porn. There are female-friendly porn sites (trust me, I have them all bookmarked) but you can count them on your one (free) hand. 99.99999% of porn focuses on male pleasure. When women are depicted as having orgasms, it is not to showcase female pleasure but male prowess, and they are transparently fake, with none of the physiological signs of a real orgasm, which are delightfully apparent in the real deal.
Those of us who had the luxury of misspending our youth before the internet but after the sexual revolution reached sexual maturity at a time when women expected to both give and receive sexual pleasure. From the time of our first awkward kiss onward, we never got our boyfriends off without extracting quid pro quo orgasms. Even the most fumbling, bumbling 80s teenage boy understood that pleasing his partner was non-negotiable.
62% of women under 40 reported removing all of their pubic hair and 40% of men admitted to asking their partners to do so.
Consent is now emphasized on college campuses because the old double-standard survives in uneasy juxtaposition to hook-up culture. Women can have casual sex like men but they can't want it—they can't have sexual agency. It's the tired, old Madonna/whore complex but updated for the 21st century: Women aren't expected to be chaste—then they are harangued as prudes and of no interest/use to men—they just aren't expected to like or want sex themselves. College sex looks a lot like rape: Men initiate it and order women into the porn star contortions they've grown up watching. Young women comply but they are not saying "yes," they're just not saying "no." Depressingly, studies of high school and college women show that the idea that they should get something out of the experience never crosses their minds. Women over and under 40 give starkly different answers to the question, "Do you expect to have an orgasm during sex?" For younger women, sex seems to be more about pleasing the man than reciprocal. I'd like to think that as women have made progress towards economic and social equality that progress would manifest in the bedroom but the reverse seems to be happening.
brief era of medieval history when it was thought to be as necessary as the male orgasm for conception.) In today's Tinder-driven hook-up culture, couples sometimes don't copulate more than once and it can take some practice together before even the most willing and considerate man learns how to get his woman off.
Those willing and considerate men are few and far between. When a recent survey asked college-age men if they cared if their partner orgasmed, they responded that they sometimes cared in a relationship but never in a hook-up. "I don't give a shit" said one. Hook-ups are understood by both men and women to be exclusively about male gratification. Women report not feeling comfortable asking their partner to help them cum, as if it is unreasonably demanding.
Kyle's mansplaining chauvinism indicates that he assumes sex is all about him: In his mind, women should be satisfied with being desired but not experience desire ourselves. We should be happy to settle for letting the Kyles of the world get off any way they choose to use our bodies and not expect any more from sex. Kyle's attitude fits perfectly into the culture that produced Todd Akin, the Missouri Rep. who thinks women can't get pregnant from rape, and the growing list of rich and powerful men whose history of viewing women as objects without independent agency is coming to light. And let's not forget the pussy-grabber-in-chief, who famously said on the Howard Stern show that "I couldn't care less" if the women he slept with got any pleasure. You're in great company, Kyle. Go fuck yourself.
I just love this Blog entry. Keep them coming! Pun intended.ReplyDelete